Well I'm going to have to do a combined post today and it includes no pictures....failure! The last few days have honestly been a challenge for me emotionally. It seems as though when you are trying to make sure you find all of the good in life and things to be thankful for that satan tries his hardest so you don't, right?! I've tried to make sure I see the good in this process of waiting on the house of our dreams, but the reality is it's killing me inside....like breaking up with your first love, rip my heart out kind of feeling. I can't stand when people say, "It means that God has something better in store for you". Great! Maybe He does, but have you ever been so sure of something before and watch it slip right out of your fingers and there is absolutely nothing you can do? It's some good hard tears hard. It's realizing the house you pictured the Thanksgiving day turkey with loved ones gathered around, and your kids running down the stairs Christmas morning to look under the Christmas tree, will never happen. We could already envision where the stockings would be hung, and where the Christmas tree would be displayed. We looked forward to finally having a house that we could comfortably welcome friends and family. It almost seems silly to say we could see those things, but with this house it was so easy, it just seemed right. This holiday season is going to be especially hard as we see friends and family placed in their homes with room to host others. It feels like a slap in the face. Like we've done something wrong or are undeserving.
This wasn't just any ol' house this was "the house". We were so intentional about praying and talking with God before even putting an offer in on this house. We felt till just today confident that this is where God wanted us to be and we have prayed fervently throughout this year that God would lead us where he wants us. Our judgement of where God was leading us felt so right with this house. It has felt so right for so long, and as we watch the house slip out of our fingers we have grown more and more weary, unclear, and completely confused. How can we trust our feelings and judgements? It seems like in the last two months our prayers have changed to asking for clarity.
As we look towards the future and the uncertainty that it brings we continue to pray for clarity. I feel especially heavy hearted for the family that has been trying to sell their home. They have done everything in their power to get the 2nd bank to approval...including hiring an attorney. The house is on the market due to a job loss and I can only imagine the pain and hurt this family is going through. So even as we struggle to grasp our understanding and find answers through this, it's important to realize the family on the other side of this and what their struggles are. What I wouldn't give for the Bank to have a bit of heart and understanding.
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